Monday, September 29, 2008

5 things I hate...

Shoshonah Jennings who owns Hannah Grey had a contest on her blog. You had to list 5 things you really hate. The person who "amused" her the most, would be the winner of a flat rate box full of goodies......and I won!
here's what I wrote:

Hah! only five?….. ok here are a few of my pet peeves:
1. i hate all the “menopause” “aging gracefully” and “you’re ok, you’re over 50- woohoo!” books that lie through omission. Oh, they tell you about the pot belly and the lack of sex drive and the weight gain…. but they don’t tell you about the crepy skin that shows up everywhere and gets caught in your epilator. ….or the hair issue. as in hair in odd places - bristles on your chin, long strands on your EYELIDS, course gray hair that needs to be redyed a week after you just had it done, that bald patch on the top of your head you can’t see. …and what about those pesky skin tags that turn up in the most darned places or those white spots that are the opposite of all those brown spots that take over your arms and legs and face and you are convinced they are irregular in shape and the wrong color and so you have them removed and it leaves a huge scarred hole but at my age better safe than sorry? hah! i could write a book about my “age” discoveries!
2. I hate that I think I can take an exercise class just like everyone else, and that my age is not a consideration. Like when my friend (age 57) and myself (above the age of consent - way above) signed up for an african drumming class. dress comfortable it said. yah right. Me and my pal, huffing and puffing in our sweats, having hot flashes, pouncing and dripping to the beat of 3 fabulous drummers with a drill sergeant instructor who wouldn’t let us stop for 2 hours alongside 20 something year olds in tiny tops and mini sarongs. it took 2 weeks to recover from that one. …and brings me to #3.
3. I hate it that whatever i do anymore makes me hurt , eventually. Stay in bed too long because you are being being indulgent…er i mean not feeling well, and darned if it doesn’t kill your back. Plant those sort of dried up -are-they-still-alive? tulip bulbs that have been chilling in the fridge for over a year - my butt muscles ache in places I didn’t know existed! wave to a friend across the parking lot - tennis elbow that takes 6 months to heal.
4. I hate my lack of mental clarity, menopause moments, brain farts…. whatever. you know, when you go to the sale of the century, after hours of gathering up your i can’t live without them finds and when it’s your turn finally to pay the cashier - where is that credit card? where’s my wallet? i know it’s in here somewhere? with 30 women behind you, not so humored by your dilemma. or how about standing in the bank line and noticing your shirt is on inside out and then trying to act cool like you did it on purpose? Or finding the car keys you lost a month ago in the freezer. hey my favorite was when i was half way down the street, riding my bike, in full gear - helmet, gloves, tank top,running shoes, camelback water bottle and fanny pack and i felt a bit of a chill …i’d forgotten to put on my exercise shorts and was still in my underwear.
5. i hate cockroaches. I love spiders and snakes and rats and all living creatures. except cockroaches. here in hawaii we have great big brown flying ones. I abhor them…they terrify me. really. once my husband picked up an old Quaker Oats box he’d stored some of his men’s treasures in. he was in his boxer shorts at the time. Well heck if there wasn’t a huge cockroach on the bottom of the box that was positioned perfectly to jump on his leg and run up his shorts. Good thing for him they aren’t poisonous - cuz I was long gone the moment I saw what was happening and he was on his own to defend his manhood!


Joanne Huffman said...

good list, but it hits too c lose to home. I hope you get a wonderful box of goodies.


dejavucreations said...

I agree ... this list is DEFINITELY a winner!


Beth Bricker said...

OMG! I laughed so hard while reading this.I can see why you won. The inside out shirt thing has happened to me a few times, or how about wearing 2 different shoes? I had on 2 completely different flip flops and didn't notice it until I was leaving the store about a hour after leaving home. Hmmm I wonder if anyone noticed?